NOT SURE YET??? POSSIBLY BREASTS AND THINGS!!!

I'm sitting here with a 'fluffy teddy' hot water bottle, (that isn't actually big enough). It's obviously only child size, it just about covers my navel!!!....I need 3 to stretch across, and a few for my back too. Why did god have to put us through all this suffering every month???. Why can't we just sign a paper when we officially don't want to be a baby making machine anymore???


Our breasts are for feeding our off-spring. (Yes, i know, men kind of forget that). A constant worry from the age of 10 til ??? Are they going to grow??? When can i stop stuffing my pale blue butterfly AA with socks....and then, when they rapidly do start to fill out, it's how can i stop them so that i can

a) sleep comfortably,

b) can find some pretty bra's that don't have monstrous straps,

c) walk down the road without comments of "hey love are those your weapons of mass destruction???"..........!!!


AND THEN....not only have they grown, and you've gone through the whole pregnancy/breast feeding senario all you can think of is
a) buying bras with push up's, padding,& extra chicken fillets!!!

b)making mental notes to oneself(or post- its) to lift and dry underneath them, so you don't have drip marks on your t-shirts or on the floor, and

c)visiting Dr 90210!!! Except you're not sure he's gonna have enough ink!!!


THE SAME GOES FOR THE MONTHLY CYCLE that women (and those close to us) have to endure.....


"Have you 'started' yet"? and you sooo desperately want to have joined that 'women's club'....and then when it finally happens to you, you can't understand what all the fuss is about, and why the hell you couldn't wait to

a) spend a fortune on pads & tampons.

b) have extreme outbreaks of spots and oil, you are shiny...but not happy!!!

c) feel like an alien has taken over your personality, and not a nice one either. Road rage is nothing!!!

d) so tired you could nose dive into your shopping trolley.

e) all of the above AND have to tolerate the pain,sickness, headaches....and...and...and that comes with it.


SO WHEN YOU FINALLY HAVE A BABY AND THAT EGG IS IMPLANTED AND YOUR LINING IS STAYING PUT....
you're soo happy (you're pregnant) and because you finally don't have to suffer them, HOORAY!!!( or most women don't). However, then comes the morning sickness, heartburn, backaches, varicose veins & other numerous side effects instead and swollen anatomy!!!


BACK TO BREASTS AGAIN.....
SO.....

You breast feed for as long as you can (another break from the monthlies, if you're lucky, i wasn't!!!). BUT then you have to suffer colossal, painful breasts and sore cracked nipples,(until hormones settle) and possibly mastitis. which is almost as painful as child birth!!! Hot, swollen mountains, that you can't 'express'....!!! OUCH....

The only good thing is you finally have breasts most women (and men) can only dream about!!! (plus the baby is getting the best, and research shows your chances of developing breast cancer is lowered).
However, you are worried about 'weaning', not only because of the baby, but what are they gonna look like when you stop???


Yep, that's right, instead of them being uncomfortable when you lay down, NOW you can no longer find them, because

a) they've disappeared in size completly or

b) fallen somewhere into the armpit region!


Your next hope of never having a period again is the menopause! But from the sound of things, that's not exactly something to be looking forward to either. Manic depression, hot sweats and brittle bones, NO THANKS!!!,

I'll just keep with my hot water bottles and Ponstan, for now, and keep blogging !!!

Lots of Love
Tracey XXX

P.S. DEAR GOD, PLEASE SEND ME BACK AS A MAN NEXT TIME!!!

and P.P.S. Please don't let this article put you off babies & breast feeding....it's all worth it in the end!!!